Thursday, June 1, 2006

a boring, whiney post about pop-culture

X-Men III is schlock. I would have asked for my money back if I had actually paid to see it. It's a b-movie with an a-movie budget--written by hacks with cornball dialogue, glacial pacing, boring choreography, and clichés galore. I think the best word to summarize it is unimaginative, from the production design (the pristine white science lab with extras in white coats all scurrying around and peering into things to look science-y and Magneto and his band of merry evil mutants in the forest), to the characters, the plot, the use of mutant powers (repetitive use of telekinetic levitation, telepathic voices echoing in peoples heads, equally opposing blasts of fire and ice from Iceman and Pyro in a standoff, a general lack of acrobatics from Beast... The list goes on), and the dialogue:

Wolverine: The whole world's going to hell, you gonna just sit there?

Warren Worthington, Sr.: Warren, it's a better life. It's what we all want.
Warren Worthington III: No, it's what you want.

Jean Grey: Would you die for them?
Wolverine: No, for you.

A few examples of other grievances:

- blatant inconsistencies, like a scene turning from day to night from one shot to the next, without the passage of time

- Angel, besides being a completely useless character in the film, looks ridiculous, striking cheesy, heroic poses throughout

- the decision about keeping the Xavier Institute open is out of context and is abrupt and seemingly thoughtless

- the head scientist working for Worthington is a science lab cliché

- whereas in previous films, Magneto and his group appear as a more radical mutant activist / terrorist group, in this movie they're just portrayed as evil and any kind of moral ambiguity is shoved aside to make it a good guy vs. bad guy battle at the end as opposed to a conflict of ideas

- Jean Grey, the most powerful mutant on the planet sits around and does nothing for most of the movie... when she finally does do something, she levitates some stuff and disintegrates things... that's it.

- why didn't Magneto take out Wolverine and Colussus by himself at the end? They're made of metal. He could've have twisted them into knots instead of letting them kill a dozen of his mutant cronies.

- why move the golden gate bridge to get to Alcatraz? It was just a little ridiculous.

- throughout the diagolue was trite, characters lacked depth, the story was slow.


... Highlights:

- Shadowcat... decent acting and some pretty cool use of her powers... well, a couple of times... was useful as a foil for Rogue

- Wolverine... despite some shitty fight choreography, cheesy lines, and too much lone wolf bullshit, Hugh Jackman still managed to put in a pretty decent shift as everyone's favorite mutant badass.

- Preview for the new Jet Li movie looked fucking radical. That shit is going to be an hour and a half of awesome.

- Preview for Superman looked pretty good. I think it was the third trailer... no John Williams soundtrack to this one, which is a bummer... but Kevin Spacey is going to kick ass as Luthor, even if the rest of the movie blows chunks.

- Jean Grey levitates and disintigrates things... yeah, it was repetative, but it was pretty cool at first...

...Congratulations X-Men 3, you made my list of top 5 bad blockbuster hollywood movies I wish I had not seen:

1. Star Wars: Episode II
2. X-Men III
3. Star Wars: Episode III
4. Star Wars: Episode I
5. Batman & Robin

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